Kenny ://

Under my skin, is a [insert noun] who . . .

There are things that really 'get my goat' and things that just kind of get under my skin and give me the willies.  A couple of things that get under my skin:

• Cockroaches
• Slugs
• Wet door handles (shiver)
• Mouth noises while eating, breathing, sitting still, etc.

I twittered about the mouth noises the other day with something like "mouth noises should be punishable with public humiliation and limericks written about the offender."  I got one response with a limerick that I thought was just too too good not to share but Twitter doesn't allow more than 140 chars so here you go. Thanks @GenieSwan!

<snip>
There once was an open-mouth-eater named Bart
Who chewed his food with lips wide apart
Bits of food flew around
With a disgustingly slurpy sound
But at least his bite was quieter than his fart.
</snip>

If you're not twittering, you're so nineteen ninety NEVER.  Get with it.

What is it about location location location?

What is it about location? I'm not talking about real estate. In my case, it's mental 'estate' or mental state, I guess is the correct term. I'm back at the headquarters for work for the first time in probably 3 months of travel and working remotely from a house I still maintain in a different city and I have to admit, for all the griping people have about cubeville, office space, and inter-office drama/politics/polemics, I'm stoked to be back among adults during the day. 

I've been keeping myself company with work, the dead stare of a laptop monitor, and occasional yet brief jots of play time with the dog. Poor Charlie needed more time each hour than I could give him for a while there. Then we realized that, hell, Spring had sprung and he could spend time outside without a) getting frostbite and b) getting frostbite.  

Oh oh, another bonus? I'm getting to surf a lot now that the waves and weather are warm enough.  I'm already on my way to having permanently salt-water-bloodshot-eyes thanks to the mushy waves here on the east coast when there's no off-shore storm.  

I got nothin, that's all you're getting today, moodyboy.com

I have only a few minutes here

I know I get a lot of inspiration from the RSS gods, but here's a great one from this morning. 

"Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they don't manage, and those who manage what they don't understand."

- Putt's Law

Oh how true.

The metamorphosis (or is it just a small change?)

The dreaded before and after pictures. Now that I'm traveling what seems like 25 days a month - I obviously can't get out everyday and ride 40 miles on my bike. Hell, even if I WEREN'T traveling so much I couldn't do that in Charleston. I've never been in a more cyclist un-friendly town in my life. And I lived in MEMPHIS, for Jeebus' sake.  The first few weeks I was here I mapped out what I thought would be easy, fun jaunts out on the bike on mapmyride.com. Great site, fantastic mapping tool using the Google Maps API, and even has snazzy little elevation viewing, distance, blah blah blah. If you haven't used it, try it out.

Then, after my 7th motorist swerving over into me and yelling at me for being on a bicycle instead of solo in a HUGE SUV, I decided maybe I would become a runner in order to stay fit. At least running I could do every day. When home, I'd run outside, when traveling and weather permitting, I'd run outside and when it wasn't I'd run on the treadmill.  Easy peasy, right?  Not really - I'm not too fond of running.  I do it, begrudgingly, but I'm not fond of it.

As a result, I decided I wanted to get into swim-suit shape. A shape other than "pasty ex-cyclist-with-a-perpetual-farmer's-tan." I subscribed to a workout program - I can take this on the road with me using the hotel weights, YAY. In order to take full advantage of the program, though, I had to take 6 before pictures, will have to take the same 6 pictures half-way through, and then again towards the end of the effort. I've decided I won't look at those pictures until I'm at least 80% of the way there. No need to bum myself out from the onset. Before beginning the program, I've been running 6-10 miles a day to prepare myself for the "before pictures." How self-loathing is that???  My hamstring is pulled, my shins are splint (is that right?), and my hip flexors are tighter than a minimum wage employee's wallet during this economy.  Pathetic? Sure. Mentally steeling? You betcha.

The good thing? It includes Yoga and Pilates, two things that I really enjoy.  

Keep your fingers crossed for me that I don't increase my caloric intake as much as I increase my caloric output for the program.

I took a few walks around Charleston today

Here are a handful of pictures from the day.

The way I fill time

I've been busy for a while and haven't really been in here much.  I thought I'd update you all via doodles and a picture of where I've been this week. My company had it's annual Professional Services Conference at a 5 star resort in South Carolina. The conference was great - my first time to it - and I'm looking forward to getting back to the grind as a result of a small morale boost and a lot of good conversations with colleagues I hadn't yet met in person, but had over the phone and email.  I also went through a few sessions during the week and between sessions, to zone out, I doodle.  

View from the back of the resort hotel:

Doodle

Doodle (forgive the blurriness, stupid iPhone):

Doodle:

DOODLE:::::!!!!::::

Doodle-ku:

I draw stick figures

Fighting ninjas with rifles,

Tanks, and irony

A case of mistaken identity?

Far be it from me to make light of a serious situation, but I think it bears saying that Arizona-ans (whatever a resident of Arizona is called) are thinking, "Why couldn't this have been in Arkansas, the other state that start with AR?"  A boy shot his mom over household chores. Seriously, is life so invaluable?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7810192.stm

I'm not sure what's more troubling.  I give you statements from the article:

• "Mr Munoz, who helped raise the boy, said he had taught him how to use the weapon for emergencies and self-defence."
• "Prosecutors wanted the child tried as an adult, but the judge  [. . . ]"   

- all quotes from the article listed above (author unidentified)

Now, the reason both of these are troubling is a) why should a 12 year old need to know how to use a gun for emergencies and self-defence? Shouldn't parental guidance be in place during emergencies and what kind of state is AZ in when a child needs to be able to use a firearm for self-defence? I'm liberal, but I'm not a bleeding heart by any stretch of the imagination. I think this is a situation where society, i.e.- the kids parents, should have been more present in this kid's life. Come on, he "needed" a gun to protect himself? I didn't realize that 'rural Cochise' county was the inner city ghetto.  B), prosecutors wanted to try a 12 year old as an adult. Do I really need to put my own stamp on this one to point out the lunacy in that?  

This kid can't see a movie with the eff-bomb in it without parental supervision but he can sure as hell sit through a trial as an adult, expected to have a fully formed vocabulary and educated view of the world as well as the concept of the good.  Puh leeze.

Wow, I guess that's the most liberal thing I've ever said on here. Maybe I wanted to make it an issue because I got this post from a foreign news source instead of a domestic one. I mean, seriously, doesn't America already look bad enough to the rest of the world? 

Everyone's got a top 10 list, or a best of list, or something like that . . .

It's a new year, officially 2k9 which is how I'll refer to it from here on out.  I love the K, after all. Self love, it's the most reliable thing.

It's January 1, nothing big there other than that it represents a turn of the calendar, not just the clock.  It's been a low-key 2k9 so far, too. I woke up at the butt creek of dawn thanks to a gassy dog from here on out to be referred to as Farter McPants and took that little bastard for a walk to see if we could evacuate whatever it was that was causing him to make my house smell like a paper mill. No such luck. He was gassy and that was all there was to it. We had a good start, though, to the new year.  It was crisp and neither of us were hungover which is always a good way to start the New Year. Normally I wouldn't be awake before 8 or 9 on the New Year and I usually wouldn't be too happy about being awake, but today was different.

2008 was a traumatic year for me. Well, traumatic might be a stretch but I went through a lot of shit.  I got divorced, was in a play (scantily clad, too, which made me uncomfortable), continued in Grad School, worked full time, changed careers from a great non-profit to a fantastic international for-profit company, relocated to another time-zone, began traveling at least 2 or 2.5 weeks a month for the new job, and have spent a month now living out of a duffel bag and a suit case. 

All in all, I think December was the culmination of a LOT for me - living sparsely, like a monk, without the creature comforts home should normally provide, have made me think, "Shite, I really don't want to live without those creature comforts!" What creature comforts? So glad you asked. I don't have many of my clothes, all of my furniture is in mini-storage, none of my kitchen ware (silverware is a very important part of life, I've learned only after NOT having it), consistently working heat in a house, a toaster oven, my coffee maker, and last but not least a personal internet connection.  I've been floating between coffee shops and friends' houses for reliable internet connections since December 1 when I wasn't traveling for work.  It's been a little stressful and not as freeing as I thought it would be.

I like to think I'm stoic and independent and willing to endure most things. A friend recently pointed out that I seem to find challenges for myself more for sport and to maintain interest in moving forward than for anything else. I guess I do.  At the end of this month, though, I'm going to be really happy to be in a place I can call "home" that has at least some of those creature comforts.  Internet, a bed, kitchen appliances, and reliable heat and airconditioning. 

I'll also never again buy a 100 year old house. This thing is problematic in the winter.

Cool Christmas presents:

From Zack:  

From Gina (it's a real ghost meter and that's Gina, cutie):

It's New Year's Eve, not New Years Eve

I've gotten several emails and txts today from various people and not a single one of them has said, "Happy New Year's Eve!" They've all contained the non-possessive New Years eve.  Year's is possessive in this one, right? Am I wrong? I thought it's the eve of the New Year, thus it belongs to the New Year so possessive is right. 

Man, I just bored myself with that short para.  Maybe I'm just too pedantic, maybe I'm just like my father too bold.  It's my last official Wednesday in Memphis for this time around and I'm hoping I've rested up enough during my time home for the holidays to be ready for 3 straight weeks of travel to start off the new year.  I think I'll finally land somewhere close to being considered a "home" somewhere around January 24th, just in time for me to work some regular 9-5 hours. Yay Kenny!

On a totally unrelated note, Gina gave me a ghost meter for Christmas. So far I've learned that the beer at Boscos is haunted and that one of the closets in the 100 year old home I still own in Memphis is haunted. I could credit the latter to wiring running rampant through that closet, but I prefer to say that someone was unceremoniously locked in that closet as punishment for getting their petticoat dirty before the equestrian event down the street from tha crib and that person vowed revenge via haunting that closet for as long as they could muster the interest.  So far, the only sign of hauntedness is that the little needle on my ghost meter goes crazy near and inside that closet. I haven't heard chains being dragged, no moans, and no tea parties going on in there, so I can't vouch for it wholeheartedly.  

Haunt-ku

Oh ghost meter why

Is it that I see lights when

Near some bad wiring?

One more for good measure, not haunt related

Oh Blagojevich

You are so ratshit crazy

I <3 your hair, not

Finally, something more absurd than the outgoing administration

Thanks to Bob I have a new goal, to become a Real Life Super Hero!  My secret power? To convince anyone within earshot to pull my finger. My crime fighting alter-ego? Mr. Sterious. Kind of like mysterious but because I'm a dude, I put Mr. in front of it. My costume? Croakies, cargo shorts, a pastel polo with the collar popped, one of those woven neclaces and bracelets, and a baseball cap worn backwards. Who would think that type of person could be a real danger to a criminal?   

My favorites are the ones where the person is obviously taking their day job and turning it into a superhero identity.  Hello?  "Captain Jackson"? Looks like he is, was, or wants to be a fireman.  "Polar Man"? Obviously works for the City Works department managing snow plows in colder months.  "Angle Grinder Man"? When he's not fighting crime he's obviously doing either concrete or wood work on construction job sites.  

http://www.worldsuperheroregistry.com/world_superhero_registry_gallery.htm

Oh, I also like that there's a crime fighting league called the "Justice Society of Justice."  I'm going to send that over to the department of redundancy department for translation.