Kenny ://

Would you eat this?

Here's a picture from our break room. What you don't see is the 13 large pizza boxes that are empty. Of course, those two cream-based salad dressings were sitting in the sun, too. I took this pic at 4:20 PM - the salad had been sitting in the sun for at least 4 hours at this point. 

"Uh, sure, someone will definitely still want to eat that. Leave it out another hour."

The newest mashup

I got this from Starbucks this morning. Is it the latest mashup of companies?  Are you trying to tell me something Starbucks?

OR, because you're a starbucks at a hospital, are you using any java jackets available because the mothership didn't send you enough for the week?

Here's a taste of non-political correctness for you

My ex and I loved to go get mexican food with margaritas. Really, the place didn't matter for the food as much as it did for margaritas.  She and I had the same expectations - the margarita can't be so brown that neither of us could drive. It was just as much the nature of the drink as it was the drink.

A margarita just kind of says "It's summer, please relax and have a refreshing drink. And hey, some cheese covered, grease-laden food to go with it isn't so bad, is it? Go ahead, have both.  You've earned it today." 

I haven't really had too many since we split up and I think the last one I had was with co-workers at a place south of Downtown Memphis where the drinks may as well be beer colored they have so much tequila in them. Not quite the same.

I was at dinner with my mom a few weeks ago and she wanted to walk over to a liquor store afterwards to pick up some things for a grill-out party she was having the next day or the next weekend or whatever. What did she buy? A bottle of margaritas (that's right, you don't have to buy the liquor and mix separate anymore).  This particular product has the least politically correct name, coming from the stance of a white kid from the suburbs:

Stinky Gringo.

I don't think I smell but, hey, you never know - I do spend a lot of time running and on my bike. I can't smell like roses all the time, can I?  Thus, I've decided this drink was made for me - I'll let you know what I think of if after I've tried it.

yours truly,
stinky kenny

23 more days till a great day for Kenny

What's so great about 23 days from now, Kenny? I'm so glad you asked that question. 23 days from now actually marks a week, not just a huge significant day. Sure, 23 days from now is April 4th and I'm looking forward to that day more than most, but that week is significant for a few reasons.

One of those reasons is that a friend I haven't seen in far too long is visiting that weekend and I'll get to hang out with her for a bit.  Can't wait to see you, Johnna.

Another reason is that that will be the first week post-play that I'll have had to myself in a while.  3.5 months to be exact. I don't know what I'll do when I get home from classes that week. Oh, yes I do. I'll do homework. But the good thing about that is that I won't be doing homework starting at 11.00 PM when I get home from rehearsals.

Sunday was our first dress rehearsal and the first thing a fellow cast member said to me when I was getting into costume was "Damn, you are as red as a stoplight!" I should mention that my costume is a pair of shorts. Full stop. That's all it is. I've been to the tanning booth since I'm a pasty german/irish kid who, for this role, is supposed to look hispanic to be a cabana boy. It's the first time I've ever been to a tanning salon and if you've never been, which I expect is true of most of my southern friends, it's a weird experience.

I walk in the first day expecting someone behind the counter to be able to riff off about 80 things I need to know about a tanning salon but instead have someone saying, "What do you think your skin type is?"

"I dunno, sweety, you tell me. This is what you do, after all."

I mean, seriously, ask me about the marketing plan and pre-launch campaign for any sort of program or product launch including but not limited to any subset of technology vendors, interactive agencies, back-end reporting and fulfillment and response-boosting marketing vehicles and I can probably recite the marketing and execution bible but put me in a tanning salon and I fall to pieces. Shouldn't someone who works there be able to look me up and down and realize I'm a pasty white maux faux on the tail end of Winter and be able to recommend that I go for no more than 4-6 minutes for at least the first few weeks before cranking it up to "burn yo ass"???

I guess not.

As a result, let me ask you to join me on a little narrative. Close your eyes and picture a coca-cola can. Not put dark hair and green blue eyes on that coca-cola can. You have a picture of Kenny. Because I don't want to expose my you-know-what to those rays, I wear boxers and now look like that coca-cola can, red all over except for one swervy stripe cutting me in half.

Theater kills, people. Theater kills.

(the good pat? I'm getting into better shape than I've been for a few years in an effort to look like a fit cabana boy - does that sound gay?)

Raw food diet

The guys and I were chatting the other day about the raw food diet I'm on right now. The concern is always being hungry, which isn't quite the case. I'm not always hungry, I'm just hungry for certain foods. Like sandwiches. And pizza. And a big fat burger from Interim. But that's another story.

To keep track of what I'm doing, I'm keeping a food journal each day. So far I've had fruits mostly but will add greens and maybe even sashimi to the diet in the next day or so.  I'll be doing this for at least 2 weeks and my daily intake is:

Wednesday:

• 7:20 AM: Coffee, 16oz with skim milk
• 10:00 AM: 1 orange, 1 small apple, 1 cup of tea (8 oz)
• 12:00 PM: 1 cup grapes, 2 small bananas, 1/2 cup carrots, 20 oz coke
• 2:30 PM: handful of sundried fruit (apricots, bananas and peaches)
• 6:00 PM: 1 Small apple, 1/3 cup raw peanuts, coffee with skim milk (8oz)
• 9:30 PM: 3 beers at boscos (dammit)

Thursday

• 6:45 AM: Coffee with skim milk (16oz)
• 8:00 AM: 1 small apple
• 9:00 AM: 1 orange, 1 small banana
• 10:30 AM: 1/2 cup carrots, 1 orange
• 11:00 AM: 8oz hot chocolate (can't give this one up either)
• 12:50 PM: 2 small bananas, 1 small apple, 1/2 cup carrots, 20oz coke

Wednesday was my late night at school but the fact that my prof let us go an hour and a half early freed me up to meet the guys at Boscos. I've learned something else about the raw food diet. Fruits, vegetables and nuts all day don't really give me a solid foundation on which I can drink. I felt horrible for most of the day Thursday and only finally started feeling marginally better sometime mid- to late-afternoon.  So the beer/alcohol consumption will also be cut drastically. I don't drink a lot as it is, but that once-a-week-decompress-beer with the guys in the middle of the week may become just that. 1 beer instead of the 3 it was this past Wednesday night.

Go ahead, try the raw food diet. I dare you.

Sucka.

It's not so bad, really, when you get down to it

A few people have asked me how I'm going to cope with a raw food diet. Will my exercise/energy levels suffer, will I get headaches, am I crazy, etc.  The fact is that I really only eat meat at lunch, normally in the form of some kind of sandwich, so the biggest switch here is eating more good fruits and vegetables. Otherwise, I'd have been eating breads and things. 

I've also been easing into it. I've been having raw foods for breakfast, snacks and dinner for a week or so now and am only just now incorporating that into my lunch time snacks. I think it'll be a struggle at first and expect to feel lethargic at first, but I'm coping by adding protein in other forms to my diet. I'll eat raw peanuts, for example, and soy beans still in the sprout pocket. 

School started last night and so far so good. I like my tues/thurs professor but tonight's class is the one I have homework for. And I haven't even been to class yet. I do like graduate school in that the professor's expect students to be adults and there really aren't many excuses that will fly if you've not done something you should have, or have made a mistake or something. There's actual accountability. That's such a nice change from the working world I leave every day to go to school. 

The homework I have for tonight is to have read a few articles, one authored by my professor, and an entire book. Now, the book is only about 30 pages and small in physical dimensions (8.5" by 6", for example), but the material is dense. I enjoyed reading it and hope I retained some of it for discussion tonight. I was up late last night reading and decided at 1.00 that it was time to give up the ghost. If I hadn't gotten it by then, I may as well re-focus tonight. 

I get that way when studying. If I haven't figured out what I'm studying by 1.00 AM, odds are I won't. In fact, the odds are better that I'll start to daydream and not even remember reading the last 20 pages of something. Better to cut your losses and pick them back up in the morning, in my opinion. 

That's my stupid update for the day.

Is it 2008 yet? This post is longer than I planned, sorry

I know it's not 2k8 yet, but it's always funny to me whenever you hear the question asked to no one in particular, "Is it _____ yet?" Usually I hear it starting on Tuesdays at the office. "Is it Friday yet?"  "Sorry bitches, you've got 4 more days including today. T.G.I.Tuesday, right?" 

I'm not trying to rain on a parade, I just don't want to join in on the "oh I've got so much longer to go till the weekend, woe is me" bandwagon. Frankly, sometimes I enjoy the weekdays much more than the weekends. After all, during the week I only have to find something to fill about 4 or 5 hours of time whereas on the weekend, man, that's a lot of time to fill up with a slowly diminishing list of things to do/things I want to do.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not about to be wiling to give up my weekends, but the weekdays just seem so much less involved for some reason these days. I go to work, I go to school, I do homework. Every now and then I meet the guys for a decompress-beer and talk about the week and everything's good. It's all as it should be.

Right now, though, school is out for the semester, I managed to maintain my 3.4 GPA for another semester (I have no idea how, though) and I've got weeknights and weekends free. You'd think I would take full advantage of it by reading as much of my personal reading list as I can, spending time with friends that I haven't been able to hang out with because of school, spending time outside, etc. 

That hasn't exactly been the case. I mean, I've been hitting the gym everyday because I'm hugely buff and have to maintain that (yeah, that was sarcasm) and have managed to read a couple of books in the past week and am starting another one today, but realistically, I haven't really maximized my downtime other than to have down time. I've gotten to bed by 9.30 most nights, which is nice, and I haven't really changed much of my routine too too much. I think that's important for when school starts back up in 2 weeks.

This way I won't be putting myself through two or three social shocks by having to change my routine again. At least, that's what I'm telling myself today.  It's kind of like when you read your horoscope at the end of the day instead of the beginning and apply it to certain things that happened that day. If your belief in horoscopes is renewed through that exercise, good for you. My belief that the way I'm spending my off days is strengthened through looking back and applying the appropriate observations. It's all crap anyway, right?

Last night was different, though.  Last night I ate enough food to feed 20 of Sally Struthers' kids for 5 years.  A large group of friends got together and journeyed to Pontotoc, MS, for a fan-fr33king-tastic 5,6,or7 course meal, I forget, prepared for us Italian-Family-style by Sir Anthony Jacobs and his wife, Lady Betty Bullard.  Hoe. Lee. Shnikeys.  I can't remember the last time I had such a fantastically prepared 5-star meal like that. We started with a prestarter of some kind of chicken salad in a tiny little bowl to "awaken our taste buds." Then we moved onto the first course, an appetizer, of which there were two choices.

I don't remember what all I ate but there were soufflé's, sorbets, lamb, salmon, filets, t-bones, an unbelievable pot-pie (that was my main course), tiramisus, flambes, crepes, creme broules, a dozen and a half bottles of wine, a little bit of a wine education thanks to Ramsey and Sir Anthony, tales of international travel provided by both hosts and guests, really relaxed conversation around a family style dinner table, thumb wrestling, Radio London, recaps of this past year and plans for the next year, unbelievable smells and all capped off with the biggest double espresso I've ever had. At least I didn't fall asleep on the hour and forty-five minute drive home. 

Oh, and on the way home I sat in a car with the following happening:

1. A huge amount of beer (84 oz?) being passed back and forth between one person and Zack in what's called a growler. They finished the whole thing. After about 20 bottles of wine being passed around between 13 of us at dinner
    
2. DJ playing on the stereo via iPods and arguments over who chooses the next song
3. A girl feigning a need to use the restroom so we would pull over at a gas station for her to buy dip. That's right, dip.
4. One car in our caravan playing chicken on the interstate with an RV. Aggressively. Which was actually pretty funny.

I've been in bed for the past 2 days sick from something I picked up and yesterday was a welcome change of scenery. I was sorry to see it end but the driveway had to show up in my headlights eventually. I think that was probably one of the best ways to ring in the New Year that I've had in a long long time. Now then, is it 2k8 yet?  I'm looking forward to getting the same gang to go back to Sir Anthony's after I digest all the food I ate last night. Tell me, do you think bulimia is ever justified ala the Roman/Greco tradition of bingeing and purging to continue the feast?

Made it out the other side

Yesterday was Christmas, duh. I got to spend a lot of time with the niece and nephew, which was nice. I think it's the first year that the littler of the two really gets this gift getting (and giving) thing. I don't know if I was like this or not but they're the funniest little termites this time of year.

Throughout the past few days, there was very little time spent enjoying what was already opened, only the "what can I open now" thing going on. I know all kids are like that but I don't remember doing it. Of course, forest for the trees, right?

I'm still trying to decide if it was nice if there were 3 generations of my immediate family under one roof, too, so I could ask, "Dad, I was never like that, was I?" Pops would smile wryly and say, "Nope, never." Of course, I can't articulate the sarcasm here so, as of December 26, 2k7, I'm apologizing to any adult I put through any tantrums at having opened the very last gift of whatever year they were around. Honestly, I really loved what you gave me and spent months playing with/wearing/drawing on/breaking it.  I really did.

Hang on a second, I was the youngest of 3. I was just happy to either a) be given any attention or b) be allowed to sit quietly in my little tent reading my latest book (mostly pictures).  I was never like that. I've decided I was a low-flying angel after all. See? I made it out the other side of this self-questioning just like I made it out the other side of Christmas.  Again.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I just know there's more wrapping paper around here somewhere to tear into before my 2nd nap of the day.

pics of the kids later

Surviving the holidays just got easier

During a 3 hour suffer fest yesterday on the bike, I tried to tell Zack about how odd it is to be around my dad's family. I love being around my dad, would do it every day for as many hours of the day as I could if his family weren't around. Pops married this wife on the sly and I didn't even know about it until a few months afterwards when, in casual conversation, he says, "Mary Alice and I jess went to the beer joint." "Who's Mary Alice? A new girlfriend?" "Er, no. She's my wife."

SO, that's just kind of how things go with that side of the family. I guess the independent streak I have comes from way back when - I grew up in an emotionally distant but supportive family.  I talk to the 'rents once or twice a month and I think we're all ok with that, though as they get older they seem more disappointed when I am saying goodbye, either on the phone or in person. Hey, I didn't set the precedent back then, I'm just following what I know to do with them, thass awl I'm sayin'. 

Anyway, I spent part of the day at my dad's house today doing that side of the family's Christmas shindig. I say "that side" because I think my dad's wife invites us to spend time with her hoard begrudgingly or out of respect for my dad.  We're all relatively successful whereas her kids are not as accomplished as they probably had the potential to be. One is presumably a pedophile. I mean, there's never been anything to prove that, but he's absolutely rat-sh*t crazy over the Wizard of Oz and makes his 20-year-old-daughter sit in his lap still. When he's sitting indian-style on the floor. That is not appropriate.

Another seems normal, but I think that's only because he's deaf and can't speak. If he could hear, all I can think his first words would be are "This is my family?? Are you fecking kidding me?????"

The third has probably spent more time in jail than out of it. So much so that I don't want him to know where I live. But here's a short recap of my day with pops, whom I adore and am happy to have heard him remark last year when looking at that motley crew "I can't believe this is my family now. What happened to me?" Not out of remorse, but out of honest surprise, like someone who's awoken from a coma after 20 years.

It was less scarring than I expected. I'm not sure what was going on, but it was much more sedate this year than most. One of my dad's wife's kids wasn't wearing a Green Bay Packers teeshirt under a leather vest. Though, he was wearing a leather vest and his trademark holster of hot sauce. Yes, you read that right. He doesn't leave home without it, unless it's with the poe-leece to go to the pokey. Again.

Even better? Milo got a present this year - a pig's ear which on the surface sounds disgusting but he's happy as a lark with it so I think it was successful. Plus, I got to call my brother "Four and three-eighths" because he lost part of his thumb two weeks ago. I think it's funny, anyway. Oh, and the holster-of-hot-sauce-guy upon overhearing my brother tell me he's got a prescription for percocet because he's in quite a bit of pain still, took a non-descript pill from the pocket of his vest and gave it to my brother. "Here, main, jest take it, thass whut ah doo." It's a loritab. He just happens to have them in his pocket. Floating freely.  Oh my, I could tell so many stories about him, like him admitting to me that he was happy to be able to give me a not-for-resale copy of a jerry seinfeld comedy cd. "Hell, I found a whole box of 'em in a dumpster a couple weeks ago! You want another un?" I wish I were making that up. Kind of.

Merry Christmas, maux fauxes.

This time of year. You know?

I don't know what it is about this time of year but it just stresses me out. I know I'm not the only person in the world who loathes the holiday season starting in, oh, September, but for some reason, I not only am mildly annoyed by the Christmas weeks, but I really get kind of road-ragey.

I think it comes down to this: I read an article by someone this morning who said it best, "A holiday season like Christmas should primarily leave us rested and revived, and should fill us with positive energy and happiness." The problem is that it doesn't do that at all. In fact, it's quite the opposite. There are so many expectations that I put on myself, so many obligations, and if anything happens to throw any of those well-crafted plans off kilter, I get even more and more stressed out.

This year is no different but at least I don't have to go to twice as many places and hang out with twice as many people as I have in the past few years. That driving, that being "on," that idle chit chat and talking about what I have planned for the next few years . . . it's a pain in my can, frankly. 

I love my family, don't get me wrong, but I don't love forced get togethers. I prefer to see them frequently. And with less food involved. As I've written, I'm trying to get back down to fighting weight before the cycling and triathlon season starts proper and Christmas dinner has me dead in its sights. That isn't a problem for someone with moderately strong will power, of course. 

Wish I had that.

In other news - go here to support me in the triathlon and in the fight against childhood cancer. I'm raising money for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital by getting people to sponsor me for the triathlon I'm doing in April in Miami. Tell your friends, too.